when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
