I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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