Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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