okay pat passed out under dana's car
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
