I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
