The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
