ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
