I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
