I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
