you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
