its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dicks are not precious.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
