im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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