Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
