apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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