I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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