Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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