its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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