I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
