Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
