i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
