dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
