Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
