What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Don't make out with my wife yet
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
