then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
