I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
