I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
