Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
