How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
