so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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