If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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