me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
