Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
