I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
