is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
