just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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