i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
