so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
