i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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