I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
