I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
