i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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