I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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