I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
