My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
