Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
