Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
