We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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