Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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