My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
