So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How does one acquire holy water?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
